Most of the moms I know strive to be superwoman: to cook, clean, raise the kids, smile, make some money, be crafty, smile, make friends with everyone, help others, please our husbands, and day after day plaster on that infallible- uncrackable- strain the corners of your mouth till it hurts smile. I want to say to you as well as myself the one thing we fear to hear the most, the one thing we feel we could never willingly do: give up.
I don't mean get in the car and drive away or sit on the couch all day until your man comes home and wonders why the lights are off and the kids have painted the walls with toothpaste and eaten poptarts that were obviously thrown over the baby gates into their rooms. I mean stop pretending. When someone asks you how you are, stop saying "fine" when you feel like you'd like to tear your hair out and scream profanity at everyone you know until they think you may be possessed and either call the pastor or have you committed. Every now and then I say, "I'm not answering that question today" and yes, people give me weird looks. So.
Some people don't want to hear that I was just shaking with rage and may have been screaming like a banshee five minutes ago because my daughter poured coffee on my keyboard and destroyed what few moments of escape the Internet was expected to provide that day. "Frustrated" will suffice. You see, when we pretend to have it all together, other mothers who are losing their minds feel like they have to pretend as well because why would they want to seem like the only one on the road to insanity.
I'm not encouraging pessimism. I have to remind myself of all the good in life on a minute by minute basis sometimes to remain collected. We all do. But we need to open up and be real. Yes, it may let some people in that we would rather not have peering over the edges of our fortifications into the delicate ticking of our hearts but it may also deter some who think it's horribly disgusting to let your three year old eat that gummy bear that's been unknowingly living for months beneath the couch. Let's be honest. Their kid is probably sick a lot because their immune systems don't get to play "Conquer this substance" on a regular basis and you'd rather not have the worry fanatic as your friend or their child's constant stomach virus playng on your kids' toys. Don't misunderstand. We all know that if there's something growing on it, or hair, or the couch was really at the doctor's office you should probably take the candy. But who doesn't benefit from a good mouthful of dirt now and then? And who needs everyone to be their friend?
That seems cold? Mean? Rude? No. Real. The people meant to be in your life will be there even when you tick them off sometimes. Trust that the lessons meant to be shared between you and another for betterment, despite the fact that your living styles are as opposites as oil and water, will be transferred more easily if you are who you are. If you LIKE cleaning all the time and are scared to death of germs, good for you. I am not. Good for me! You probably know the fastest way to get mildew scum from under the suction cups of the bath mat and I could REALLY use that tip. I, in turn have the healthiest kids on the planet so you're safe inviting them to your sanitized house.
We are going to keep trying to be superwomen because, listen closely, WE ARE SUPERWOMEN even when we feed the kids cereal for dinner and expect a cup of coffee to work for our breakfast and lunch. Don't worry you'll eventually get back on track. I mean, soon the lack of nutrition will make you pass out (almost been there) and you'll actually have to eat more than a few bites of the kids' PB&J's while you wipe their fingerprints off the wall.
Some poor woman out there needs to know that the only reason you get there early and your kids are clean is because you fed them in diapers and strapped them in the car seat to keep them in one place while you bathed them with wipes, then put their clothes on five seconds before she walked up. Plus you'd been driving around the block for ten minutes because you couldn't stand to stay in a house that had so much work taunting you with lies about your imperfections. We are successful a thousand times a day and to be that we have to let a handful of expectations go. Now we need to stop letting those "failures" trick us into thinking we are not fanTASTIC.
The things we miss are not failures at all, they are the less important stuff disregarded to chase grasshoppers and hear our babies laugh. I am pushy sometimes. Some people need a push and I can be your go to. Some days I need a meek friend to influence me to shut up, take a breath, and really SEE the afternoon. Now and then I need a person I don't like very much to make a valid observation so I can be MORE of a superwoman later in life, or a friend to do the same. Sometimes I even need to feel a little down so I can hear those I love tell me things they may never otherwise reveal. Everything builds us and life is full of beautiful things, ugly moments, profanity, personal triumph, aggrevation, impatience, love, snot, embarrasment, and hilarity. In case you don't already know this, God loves you in all of it and so do most of the people you hold dear. Don't be afraid to color the world with you.
