Beyond this mortality

I've lately been struggling with a loneliness that steeps everyone in my life in poor taste.  Somehow my friends aren't really friends. My family doesn't really care.  No one sees me for who I am but only for what I can give or do for them. Suddenly, I found myself going down the list of people in my life and checking off the ways in which they've failed me.  I was making my emotional weakness their fault instead of taking responsibility for my own selfish cravings.


Obviously none of these perceptions about others are true but the emptiness and longing they create feels real. Now, before any of you truly awesome and supportive friends read this and start offering up your lovely words of encouragement and ego-stroking kindness, I want you to know that I don't want any of that. My purpose in writing this isn't for my own encouragement but for that of others out there that I know need to see that they are not alone.


Then suddenly (as He often does) God shook my conscience a bit and said, "Now you know how I feel." What?! How could the King of Kings, Creator of the universe relate to my petty misgivings? And it dawned on me that the whole point in the creation of man was for a companion.  Evidently there was a loneliness that existed before we were made.

God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong ( 1 Cor 1:27). We feel stupid talking out loud to the air or believing that a love from someone who has no arms to hug you or lips to kiss you can be more satisfying than the faulty and often selfish love from another person. But we aren't talking to the air, not if we truly believe in God and His methods are higher than ours. I asked God to increase our relationship more by being more physically tangible and He refuted that I need to make our relationship stronger by learning to be more spiritual because He is spirit. We want God to operate more in the manner of touch and sound because with that we are more familiar but He is ever calling us for higher purposes, for a life in, but much further beyond this mortality.  He offers a real healing, a true cure, while we often seek only an aspirin to mask the symptoms.

I truly believe that in ALL things (even the most horrid) God works for the good of those who love him and seek His purpose (Romans 8:28). So I found that He was using one of my most despondent moments to teach me to lean on Him.  You see He knows you the way you want some human in life to know you. He loves you more than your spouse, your friends, your parents love you. He will not fail you like people can. God uses all of our pains to beckon us toward His outstretched arms. Our longing for earthly recognition, for human acclaim, comes from a dark place but our deep and tender desire for companionship is not only mirrored by but also only truly fulfilled by the Almighty.