The screaming of our wrath

Often we hide away our emotions, our fears, the evils that live within, as though to pretend they aren't there means they really aren't.  I've decided to stop this practice of self deceit.  It's not that I will offer up the darkest parts of my inner being to the world because any public figure who shows even one kernel of flawed humanity falls victim of judgement and persecution in the public eye.  While I am not, and may likely never be, a tabloid sensation, acquaintances, which outweigh friends by 100 to 1, will hover their magnifying glass over these things alone.

The truth does set you free and we must shine a light in the shadows to chase our own bogeymen away.  It stands to reason that the more we shove them down inside, the more we invite them to fester, to become harbored secrets, shameful burdens.  In all reality we try to hide them from God Himself who is a discerner of hearts the way Eve tried to hide her nakedness, which was there beneath the leaves despite her best efforts.

So now, because I most want to be rid of my hidden vices, I must yank the covers away.  I must stand before the face of God, and those I know will not harbor my flaws against me, however heinous, and reveal the dirt in the corners.  Sometimes it is as simple as saying, as I go about the day, God I am angry with you for letting this, whatever this may be, happen.  I am doubtful. I am selfish. I harbor evil imaginings.  I expect too much of myself and too little of you.  Sometimes it is as hard as admitting that you stole an employee's crackers from the top of the fridge in the breakroom weeks after they relentlessly blamed it on someone else, but only within your hearing.  Every now and then, admission comes with heavier consequences, jail time, losing someone important, ridicule or a tarnished reputation.

God is a gentle father, a loving listener.  He sees when we hide the vegetables under the table and pretend to have eaten them.  He knows when we hate someone and feign friendship.  He hears the cries of His broken children and those of their enemies. God hears the screaming of our wrath, the desires of malice.  We pretend but He knows what we are too afraid of ourselves to admit. 

We fear changing some one's perception and so step out with a smile of such dazzling whiteness we intend to blind others to our blacker bits.  In all reality, we make ourselves a prisoner to our shame.  One by one we have the power to step out of the locks, the bars, our cage.  Admit it, if only to the One who loves you above all else, or the earthly equivalent of that.  Confess and fly free.